Today's events leading up to the creation of this blog

I woke up at 8 a.m. because I had been drinking the night before. And drinking at night makes me wake up early. Go figure. I ate part of a piece of pizza, and went to a charming lunch spot with Jeremey. His dog threw up grass while I was eating, and I wanted to throw up, too.
We ventured back to my apartment so I could pack for Atlanta. His dog shit on my rug, and I wanted to throw up again. I made coffee instead.
I drove to Atlanta, straight to Wal-Mart, for an eye appointment. The eyeglasses people at Wal-Mart make me feel so uncomfortable, and they try to pressure me into buying new glasses by insulting mine.
I returned to the home I grew up in, and find out there is a swim meet tonight, and we are supposed to wear costumes, for whatever reason. I go as Darth Vader, my helmet has a voice changer in it. I scare the shit out of my 3-year-old niece, who yells "Make it stop, Auntie!"
I go to the swim meet and tell a young boy that I will put him in the ground; that he is but one, insignificant casualty of many in this endless battle against time. He does not blink, but rather seems to accept this truth that the strange, masked creature has revealed to him.
Jeremey and I had luckily discovered, just the day before, that the gas station across the street from my apartment sells Round Ups, a brand of candy cigarettes that actually even blow fake smoke. As a gesture of good will, I donate my Round Ups to the hungriest-looking children. Or maybe they were just the smallest children. At any rate, I donated them, and watched as the children, their lips still blue from their blow pops and other nasty blue candy things, blew on the pseudo-fags. I laughed, which through my voice changer sounded fucking AWESOME, as the pseudo-smoke billowed around their giggling bodies.
Later I was asked to draw a lightning bolt across someone's face in eyeliner. It looked sweet.
After the meet I went home and ate birthday cake-flavored ice cream and checked facebook (checking facebook is approximately 35% of my life).
I killed a spider on my wall, and got into bed. Opening my laptop, I realized what a good day it had been. And thought how appropriate an ending it would be, to a day filled with vomit, shit, and manipulating children, to start a blog.
This is it.